There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YAS. BRING CRAB.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
