My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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