yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
