I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
