Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
