Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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