ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
