Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
