You really coming over, don't trick.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
