after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
