i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
