do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
