I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
