So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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