So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
