I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
