I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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