she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
