She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
