dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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