I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
