the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
