After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
