i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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