Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
