If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
