I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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