i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
