Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
