dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
