My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
