sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
