I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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