Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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