eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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