thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
