I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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