i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
