Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
