i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
