I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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