Your dad touched me again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
