Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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