Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
