she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
