You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
