she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
