he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
