I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
