finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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