Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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