Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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