She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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